Pete's Story
“I never dreamed it would be this good.”
RAF veteran Pete’s harrowing experiences in Afghanistan were hard for him to forget. PTSD threatened to ruin everything until our specialist mental health treatment transformed his life.
Pete was 21 when he joined the air force, something that had seemed inevitable due to a long line of family members serving before him. He joined up with the aim of helping people and became a communications engineer, travelling across the globe to provide communications support to the military.
During his nine years in the RAF he was mainly based in the UK, along with a five-month deployment to Afghanistan in 2011. At Camp Bastion Pete’s role was to monitor military messaging channels overnight for casualty and contact reports covering British soldiers who had been killed or injured. He would then create a report, which included viewing footage and photos of the incidents.
After 10 weeks Pete moved on to a different role, where he was tasked with reclassifying documents including interrogation reports, videos and photos of Afghan civilians and combatants being killed.
“Those two components were the biggest things that affected me,” Pete says. “One thing I remember is reporting on the death of a very young child – the age my son is now – who was killed by
Pete’s PTSD symptoms started soon after his tour. A few days after coming home he disassociated – or mentally disconnected from everything - for the first time whilst watching a documentary about the Reserves deployed to Afghanistan. “I completely zoned out,” Pete says. “But at the time I didn’t know that’s what it was, and I have no memory of it. Another time I was in Nando’s with my mate, and I was looking out the window just staring. Apparently, he asked what was up and I said something about looking for indicators of vehicle born IEDs - but I was in Teesside.”
Soon after, Pete started to also experience symptoms of depression. He also became angry and cynical, losing sleep and picking fights. He sought help whilst in the RAF but describes the next few years as “box ticking care”. He attempted to take his own life and then had a psychotic breakdown, which led to a medical discharge from the RAF in 2017.
“Things were horrific,” he says. “When I look back at where I was compared to where I am now, it amazes me. I was non-functioning as a human being.”
Once back on Civvy Street, things started to improve for Pete, and he was largely symptom-free. But then in 2021 the Taliban took over Afghanistan. “I knew it wasn’t going to be good for me so went to the NHS,” Pete says. “They gave it a good try, but they just weren’t equipped for my needs.”
By this time Pete’s PTSD symptoms had got worse again. “It was affecting my relationships, my work and how I parent,” he says. “I found it massively upsetting when my young son cried, as in my mind’s eye all I could see was a dead Afghan child. It was so extreme that I’d shout, which isn’t the dad that I am. My wife is so supportive, but it was the classic thing of arguing more and wanting to spend time on my own rather than with her. We very much went on a rollercoaster.”
In 2023 Pete realised he needed specialist care and called our Helpline. After an assessment he was referred to a psychologist “who was amazing” then he undertook our intensive treatment
“I was so scared at the thought of intensive treatment,” he says. “I’m aware of the toll therapy can take and it seemed like a huge amount of trauma therapy in a short space of time. But I thought if I need to go through this to improve even 10 per cent, it’s worth it – and it was incredible. The whole programme was so bespoke - not just to veterans but to my needs too. Going through the process was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it was so worth it.”
Pete has now been discharged from our care and hasn’t displayed any PTSD symptoms since finishing VICTOR. “Around November’s usually a write off for me, what with people knocking on the door for Halloween and fireworks for bonfire night and Diwali,” he says. “Before, I would barely sleep and last November I sat in my car and cried because I was so overwhelmingly anxious. This year, there was nothing. Fireworks were going off and there just was no reaction.”
Pete’s relationships have also changed for the better. “In terms of my family it’s been transformative,” he says. “I don’t have issues if my son cries and I can be so much more present for them.
“I knew treatment would be beneficial, but I never dreamed it would be this good.”
December 2024
