Martin's Story
“There was a flash of light in a dark place when Combat Stress said they could help me.”
Martin joined the Army at 16 to escape his abusive home life. Rising through the ranks fast he enjoyed Army life, but multiple traumas meant years later he needed our help. Here Martin shares how our specialist mental health treatment has helped him out of the darkness.
“If you’d have told me a few years ago that I’d be back doing the things I enjoy I wouldn’t have believed you,” Martin says. Last Christmas he handmade gifts for family and friends and has booked a holiday with his wife - but just three years ago none of this seemed possible to him.
Martin joined the Royal Fusiliers in 1975 and his 20 years with the Army included serving in the first Gulf War and six tours of Northern Ireland.
“I was very rational and instead of dealing with the things I’d experienced, I put them away in little boxes in my mind,” he says. “I would bury the trauma from Northern Ireland and the Gulf War, because if I didn’t think about them, they’d probably never happened.”
In 1995 Martin had been in line for a promotion to be a commissioned officer, but instead had to leave the Army because of ongoing health issues relating to Gulf War Syndrome. Once on Civvy Street he got a job with BT where he flourished and was promoted regularly, until his health conditions once again meant he had to leave the job in 2016. “I started to spiral into depression as it was the second successful career that had ended for me,” he says.
Martin began to experience flashbacks of incidents from his time in the Army. He had vivid nightmares and rarely slept. “Some of the flashbacks were so real it was frightening,” he says. “I was so low. Then I had four close bereavements in six months and the box in my mind that I was hiding everything in really started to overflow.”
When a friend suggested getting help from Combat Stress in 2022, Martin knew it was the right thing to do and called our Helpline. He spoke to an advisor who immediately put his mind at ease. “He was so empathetic,” he says. “It was probably the most important conversation I had during my time with Combat Stress, as if he hadn’t got it right, I wouldn’t have come back. But he did get it right and he understood what veterans experience. There was a flash of light in a dark place when he said they could help me.”
Martin took part in group sessions to help him understand how the mind works, before having 1:1 therapy sessions with a specialist clinician. “The group session didn’t make me better, but it helped me understand why my brain does what it does,” he says. “The team who ran the sessions were absolutely brilliant. Before, I thought I was going mad, but it showed me I wasn’t.
"My therapy sessions went through my entire life and it was the first time I’d spoken about a lot of these things to anyone – even my wife. I talk to her now as the genie is out of the bottle.
“I found that when I’d hidden away my negative experiences, I’d also locked away a lot of good ones too. Lovely memories resurfaced like a neighbour taking me out for the day with his son as a child. I’d forgotten how kind he was.”
Life for Martin is very different now. “I’m far easier on myself and no longer think ‘what if I had just done this…’. I know that I did the best I could in the circumstances. I’m brighter and have done things I’d been putting off, like redecorating and buying a new car, because I can do them now. When your head is full of rubbish there’s no space for anything else.
"My wife and I have booked a holiday to Las Vegas and I’m back doing things I enjoy. I always liked carpentry, so last Christmas I gave everyone a present I’d handmade, because I could.
“I’d say to other veterans, you need to be brave and make the first call. Once you’re there, do not give up. There are no short cuts and it’s not easy, but you need to trust the process and follow it.
“I’m so thankful to Combat Stress and I’m so glad I picked up the phone and took the first step.”
June 2024