Christine's Story

“From the bottom of my heart, thank you Combat Stress."

“My partner, known to all as “Andy”, his service nickname, or Grandy to five grandkids, received his discharge letter from Combat Stress this week. We are all so proud of him!

“Andy served for 21 years in the Royal Green Jackets and saw service all over the world, including Northern Ireland at the height of the troubles. He left in 1992.

“In all the years we have known each other, more than twenty at the last count, he has been through countless periods of having nightmares, so bad that he was waking covered in sweat, bouts of heavy drinking, and periods of withdrawal where he would spend hours, if not days alone on a computer, not really seeming to do anything - just staring at the screen.

"Sometimes months would go by when he would seem to be ok, but I now know he was just keeping it all together but struggling to do so every single day.  Yes, I persuaded him to visit the GP many times, sometimes going with him. Even though I said I was sure there “was something else going on”, each time we were dismissed with “well, lots of people have these sort of symptoms – probably nothing more than a bit of stress – and here’s a sign off sheet for a couple of weeks from work, and maybe cut down a bit on the drinking”. I always knew that wasn’t the case, there was something else, but for a very long time didn’t make the connection between the time he spent in the Forces which was so long ago, and the problems he was experiencing. 

“Every argument in our house centred around his drinking. I blamed his nightmares on his drinking, and got upset when he wouldn’t get involved in anything which didn’t involve the pub.  I walked on eggshells constantly, trying not to do or say anything which might upset him, and send him back to the pub again. Eventually, I would of course end up in tears, or feeling like I would explode, from the sheer stress of it all. 

“The breakthrough came in the Spring of 2021. He is a truck driver and hurt his right hand quite badly at work and had to take a few weeks off while it healed. He struggled to find things to do to keep himself occupied. In short he had too much time to think and brood on things. The nightmares returned, the worst he had ever had. He is very, very resilient, and went back to work as soon as his hand had healed enough for him to do so, but the nightmares continued. He was able to hide the nightmares from me this time because I was working 4am starts, so getting up before three, and he was going to bed at that time, having worked a late shift, getting home around midnight.

"However, one evening he completely broke down, and said he didn’t think he could go to work the next day. I asked him what was the matter, and all he could say was “nightmares”. We had talked about Combat Stress - I had stumbled across the website one evening while doing some research to try and figure out what was wrong, and the pieces of the puzzle all came together for me. But he always said he wasn’t that bad, and didn’t want or need that sort of thing. I was sure now that he did! 

“I fixed an appointment for him with the GP the following morning, as he was obviously not in any condition to get behind the wheel of a truck, and would need a note for work. The GP gave his “stock answer”. “Everyone gets nightmares” and then added for good measure “why do you want a sick note for that?”. At this point I saw red! I gave Andy the ultimatum – either you make the call to Combat Stress, or I will. So, I sat by his side with the phone on loudspeaker and made the call.

"It was the best thing I think I have ever done! The helpline was absolutely brilliant – on that first call, he didn’t feel able to speak to them, so all he was asked to do was to give his name, date of birth and service number, and then give permission for the call handler to speak to me. His assessment began the following day. 

"I know it took all the courage he could summon up to take the call, but afterwards, you could see the relief on his face. From that point on, through countless calls and assessments, and at least four courses, I could watch with absolute delight the changes in him unfolding. 

"He looked forward to his next call, he really enjoyed the art therapy in particular, and was so proud when he was asked if his work could be used to help future groups!  He lost the sad, vacant look in his eyes.  As number three grandkid, aged two at the time, said “Grandy, your eyes are all sparkly, like my dress!”.  That summed it up perfectly!

"The nightmares gradually faded away, and he hasn’t had one for many, many months now.  And if he does have a drink at home, it’s just two small glasses of his favourite red wine with his dinner, both of which he thoroughly enjoys, and then the bottle is put away. He does still go to the pub. On Friday evenings, in the hope of winning a prize draw they have. His drink? A pint of beer, and then an orange squash, or just for a change a blackcurrant squash.

"From the bottom of my heart, thank you Combat Stress. None of this would ever have happened without your help, and to anyone out there who is like I was, loving and caring for and about someone who has served in the military and is struggling, please make the call if they won’t or can’t make it for themselves. 

"You, and just as importantly they, really will never ever regret it. There really is light at the end of that very dark tunnel."

September 2023