Brian's Story
Brian's Story
For more than 40 years, Brian did tours all around the world – in Northern Ireland, the Falklands, Belize, Balkans, Sierra Leone, Angola and Iraq. But he paid the price with his mental health.
n 1974, aged just 15, Brian joined the Army Youth Team and was soon awarded the Commander in Chief’s ‘Best Apprentice’ Award at Army College. He went on to complete many years of military service, but it took its toll.
The Falklands was the first to have an impact on me. As a 23-year-old Lance Corporal, this was my taste of what a proper war was like. I started to have nightmares and flashbacks. I felt constantly under threat and was fearful when I smelled burning, saw smoke or heard loud noises or screams. I never slept well again.”
But it was a UN tour in Angola that had the most damaging effect on Brian. “It was the landmines and the damage they caused. We’d see so many young kids with missing limbs.” After 26 years of regular service, and 16 years in the reserves, Brian was medically discharged from the Armed Forces.
“I was disappointed. I felt like I’d been kicked out but looking back I was clearly very unwell. Life was tense and I was difficult to be around. I was on a short fuse, not sleeping, drinking alcohol and emotionally numb. I could find no joy in anything we did as a family. I lost my true self and was not happy with who I had become.”
Unable to see a way out of his situation, Brian threw himself into work and study while juggling family life. “It was classic avoidance. As far as I was concerned, I was invincible, so I suppressed my real feelings and kept busy. Life was exhausting. I just survived. I seriously did not feel part of the human race and just wanted it all to end.
The final straw was when I was driving back from a party one night, and really just wanted to ram my car into a wall.”
Eventually, Brian sought help from occupational health at work, and was referred to Combat Stress. Diagnosed with Complex PTSD with co-morbid depression, Brian soon did our PTSD Intensive Treatment Programme. “After treatment at Combat Stress, I flourished and renewed my appetite for life. I accepted I was ill and relished my new mission to be the best version of myself I could be.”
“Combat Stress was brilliant, and without a doubt made my life so much better. So much so that my wife turned around and said, ‘I’ve got my husband back’.
“I embraced life and dared to feel again. My mental reliance had developed so much that when my late wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2016, whilst it was tragic, I was able to support her and my son. If I had not had treatment, I doubt I would be here now. Life still presents its challenges, but I am now able to better regulate my feelings and emotions.”
Brian met his new partner Claire in 2019. “I was very concerned about sharing my diagnosis with her. However, her understanding, and my determination to have a fulfilling life prevailed and we have a bright future together.”
“Military service changes you but if you think about the past all the time, you will stay in the past. Embrace life, it is a gift and we must live it for those that are no longer with us.”